Isn’t This Supposed To Be HEAVEN?

Today we’re going to use humor to vent our frustrations.  I wrote this a few years ago and it has been posted on some special education and advocacy websites.  Now I’m putting it here to share with you.  Enjoy!

Isn’t This Supposed To Be HEAVEN?

by Michele Williams

Copyright 2011, All Rights Reserved

A special education administrator died and went to heaven to see about
getting in. St. Peter said, “Well, your mom and dad are here saying you
should qualify, but I don’t know. You see, we have to conduct our own
evaluations. It will take 6 – 9 months, or maybe two years. We’ll let you
know. Would you sign this consent for evaluation right here, please.” So the
man took a seat on a cloud and waited none too patiently.

A year later, St. Peter comes back to the man and says, “Sorry, but that
Consent form wasn’t the right one. Would you sign here please.” A year
later, the man is called in for a conference to talk about the evaluation. A
psychologist angel said, “Well, we noticed that you were extremely impatient
while waiting, drummed your fingers a lot, seemed not to pay much attention
to instructions, and you let us have you sign the wrong form at the get-go.
We suspect you probably have attention deficit disorder. We don’t do
behavior modification here, but we do have a detention room where our
offenders do time before being sent to Hell if they can’t figure “it” out.
We noticed you had trouble learning how to sit on our clouds, so we suspect
you probably need some physical and occupational therapy. You’ve been rude
and deceitful with parents of disabled children on earth, but with extensive
counseling, you can probably overcome that. You’ve been playing crony games
with public funding and key positions, and with personality readjustment
therapy, you can probably overcome that. You’ll have to work hard, try
harder than you’ve ever tried before. If you can make sufficient adjustments
with our accommodations, you might be awarded a diploma entitling you to
entry into heaven. It could take as long as 12 years, but we are
optimistic.”

The personality readjustment angel worked diligently with the man and began
to see progress. Still, when the man was frustrated, he acted out and was
not exactly heavenly-appropriate in some of his antics and verbal
expressions. The personality readjustment angel said to his parents, “I’m
sorry, but if he doesn’t make more progress soon, he won’t make it. ”

“He needs more counseling, some training sessions, perhaps some
role-playing, social skills training,” his parents said.

“Sorry,” the angel said. “There are far too many other angel candidates and
I’m overbooked as it is.”

The angel gave no clues as to what procedures heaven might have for
increasing the administrator’s personality readjustment services, and the
parents were sure that since this was heaven, they would have been told
everything they needed to know and all necessary help would be given. So
they rested on faith.

St. Peter assigned the administrator a physical therapist who worked with the

man to teach him to sit properly on clouds and a flight instruction angel
to teach him how to fly. The administrator got the hang of sitting on clouds
pretty well, but he had a ton of trouble learning to fly. “Look,” he kept
protesting, “This flying bit isn’t easy. I’ve got to learn to trust not
having ground beneath my feet. I’ve got to keep looking at the horizon
instead of furniture around me. I’ve got to keep from banging into other
angels. My flight instruction angel only shows up 80% of the time. I need
more help.”

“Sorry,” St. Peter said. “You’re not trying. If you speak up in your own
behalf, you’re showing a basic lack of faith and trust, and it has tinges of
disrespect for our authority. We can’t have that around here. We’ll have to
give you detention you if you keep complaining.”

The administrator shut up. But the next day, he took off from his cloud with
his flight instruction angel’s full approval and promptly plunged toward
Hell at full speed, flapping all the way.

“I have to say something,” he screamed. “I told you I needed more help, and
it would help if I had both wings!”

“Sorry,” his flight instruction angel shouted downward. “We don’t have the
funding for that.”

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Summer and Summer School (or not)

Well, you’ve probably noticed that the last post was the last post for a while. Maybe you fell asleep waiting for the next one. Well, you’ve had time for a nice nap. Time to wake up–and the kids are out of school for the summer, so you can’t sleep in now, anyway! Summer. It just isn’t the same for many children with disabilities, especially those with learning disabilities who forget so much during summer that they spend months of the new school year re-learning rather than keeping pace with peers. What should summer be for those children?

As a parent of two children with disabilities, I had to decide the summer school issue for one of them, and until he was 16, he never had a summer at home. He didn’t know what a lazy summer week was like because he was always chasing the learning objectives and goals, even if we were on vacation trips. We just folded everything educational about trips (the only kind we ever did because it’s what we love) into what he was learning at school and off we went. At 16 he had a stomach ulcer due to the stress of learning and we felt he needed a break, so he got his first summer off. He refused to go to summer school again. He didn’t get the regular high school diploma, and he’ll have to get the GED if he wants to get more education, but he can do it if he chooses. He knows what he has to do to learn. That was a major point of all the extra time spent in school…just for him to know what it takes and how he has to do it so he can do it on demand.

Too many parents don’t want to fight with schools to get extended school year on the IEPs because budgets in school districts are so tight that the fight has gotten worse than it ever was. Summer school, if it isn’t all regular classes, might be an option. At the same time, ADA is clearer than ever on that point, and using it and Section 504 in addition to IDEA will make your struggle easier. If a child can’t learn in the fall because he didn’t retain enough over summer, he needs summer school or the extended school year based on implementation of his IEP, not based on whatever programming the district wants to provide for every student this year.

If your child has already shown signs of forgetting too much, it is not too late to call for an IEP meeting to place your child in an extended year program. It might not happen before this summer is over, but when the longer school breaks occur, such as at Christmas and between semesters, your child will be in school retaining and learning rather than forgetting, and for next summer, there will be no large gaps forming in his memory bank. Start that process now if you believe your child needs the extended school year on his IEP.

What can you do in the meantime? You’re using a computer to read this blog, and your child can use the computer to access summer learning (and retention-boosting) activities. The internet is full of games based on math and other learning opportunities, and you can find many of them by searching for “math games, social studies games, spelling games, etc. Electronic stores such as Best Buy, Tiger Direct carry educational software you can use to boost memory and retention during the summer.

Here are some links you may find useful to maintain learning levels during this summer.

Apples 4 the Teacher http://www.apples4theteacher.com
Covers all core content subjects, K-12

SoftSchools.com
http://www.softschools.com/
covers K-12, incudes geometry, French, Spanish

many subjects for k-12
http://www.mrnussbaum.com/
includes games that respond to student answers to create new learning opportunities
Social Studies
http://www.socialstudiesforkids.com/subjects/funandgames.htm
http://classroom.jc-schools.net/basic/socst.html

Gameaquarium.com
http://www.gamequarium.com/languagearts.htm K-6 with resources for teachers, parents

Language Arts
K-8, great resource
http://games.pppst.com/languagearts.html

Language arts, middle & high school with great links to resources
http://www.internet4classrooms.com/lang_mid.htm

Math
Vedic math, game-based, ancient math based on different methods more easily learned and remembered
http://www.mathmonkey.com

CoolMath4Kids.com
Pure games and learning
http://www.coolmath4kids.com/math_puzzles/index.html

Social Studies
Multiple disciplines
http://www.socialstudiesforkids.com/

You get the idea. You search for the topic and grade level you want and poof! the internet finds it and delivers it to your screen for your child’s entertainment and learning.

Now, be fair and give your child a turn!